Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
