You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
