sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
