East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
