Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
