Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you. Go after that dick
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
