It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize