If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
