I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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