did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
