Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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