Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
