dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
