I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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