soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize