I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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