i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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