Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
FUCK WHALES
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
