There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
