i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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