How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im six kinds of drunk right now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize