OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
