I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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