Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this is an emotional support booty call
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
