he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
