I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
