your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
