there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize