I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
