He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
