Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
