Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
