Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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