I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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