We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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