im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
