Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
