When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
