I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
