I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They took my balls.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
