Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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