What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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