I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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