You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
