I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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