I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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