i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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