what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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