Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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