Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
