I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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