im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
