I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
