I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
