I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
