That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
