we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
