I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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