We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
