He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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