just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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