So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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