it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize