Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Too much gin, very little bucket
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
