At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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