kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize