Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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