yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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