remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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