Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
