no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
