I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
