I think im going to throw up on grandma
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
