omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
