walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
